omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
