You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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