Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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