every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
