So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Boobs are out for the taking
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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