hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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