Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
