A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
