I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and she was petting her beer can
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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