Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
