I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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