Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
