My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
