Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
