I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
