so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
