but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
