New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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