I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
