The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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