I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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