I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
