shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
