I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
