the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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