Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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