maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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