Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
