never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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