I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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