Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
