He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
