just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When did angry sex become our thing?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
