Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
