a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
