i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
