Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
