drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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