hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
