i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
