I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can't turn off my feet"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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