Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
