I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
