ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How does one acquire holy water?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize