I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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