Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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