yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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