It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
