did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
