My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
