i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
farters have to be the big spoon...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
