I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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