Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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