2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
