Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Randomize