Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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