I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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