When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
