you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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