Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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