I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
