how can u be prego again
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
