The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
