Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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