im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to