in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
We got so high we made milksteak
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?