there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning