I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
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first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol