i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Randomize