Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
