Michael Bay diarrhea
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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