Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
