I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
