My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
