he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
