Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
