hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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