Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
