He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
