Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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