A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
