i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
