I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
